The Foxy Femme

I had my follow up with the doctor today (after my hospital stay).  After a lot of discussion and thought, my medication has been changed yet again.  I will no longer be taking Humira, I will be changing to Cimzia.  It is another self injection, but it is just once a month instead of every other week.  It has the same side effects and potentials as the Humira, so It is mostly like a “lateral” move in medications.  I also started a few other medications and removed a few others.  I will also be staying on my new “diet” for a while longer.  At least 3 months, until the Cimzia has time to take effect.

After years of eating in resturaunts, I came to the realization today of how large their serving sizes are!  I am on a limited amount of meat a day – 6oz.  that means basically 2 servings of meat/eggs in 24hrs.   Now normally that isn’t a problem, I tend to eat a meat free meal a day.  But the serving size seems soooo small after eating out all the time.  Even eating at home!  I’m very glad I bought the kitchen scale – I would have eaten WAY too much before I realized it.

There are several good things about this though.  1) I get to learn portion control much quicker than I would trying to portion out in a resturaunt.  2) I will be eating better, even if its not the “healthy” food, simply by reducing my portion sizes.  3) I am supposed to eat every 2-3hrs or so, which means not being as hungry at each meal.  4) I kind of get a “diet” out of my new diet due to portion control & my lack of being able to eat greasy, fried or fatty foods.

So after a 3+day hospital stay, I am now home again.  I have gotten a repreive on surgery for now.  However, since I won’t be having surgery, I will be having to change my eating habits.  Instead of the normal diet that everyone else gets to eat, like a low fat, low fiber diet, I have to eat a NO-fiber, low-residue diet.  Basically, this means that from now on, I don’t get to eat wheat bread, or fresh fruit & veggies.  I am very limited in my choices currently, but I did find a cook book that I was able to order.  There is very little information recipe-wise out there, as this is usually a temporary diet.  Though it appears I will be on it for a bit longer than temorary…

I have started working on finally loosing weight.

So far I have lost 5 lbs total.  My overall goal is 40lbs.  It seems like a lot, but after 2 surgeries, not eating well, and not being able to exercise, plus lots of medications that cause weight gain and some depression issues, I managed to gain a LOT of weight.  I know some of it couldn’t be helped (thanks to medication and being ordered to basically not move unless necessary), but some of it could.

I have been attending Pilates classes 3 times a week, and eating healthier.  I have been watching my portions and eating more fruits and vegetables.  I also started keeping a food/exercise journal, that I also put notes about my day and anything that may have happened to cause a poor food choice or lack of exercise.

My current first goal is to loose (and keep off) at least 15lbs by my birthday (June 26th – shameless plug).  Then my overall goal is to be 40lbs lighter by September for the wedding & honeymoon.

If you have any tips or tricks, or just want to throw your support in, please leave a comment!  I’d love to read it!

so i have been known to focus on everything and everyone outside of myself…relegating myself to least important, least needy being i know.  i am continuously attempting to make other people happy through my actions: my father by busting my ass at school for a degree i currently don’t need; my boss and coworkers by busting my ass to be the best; my mom by taking care of everyone and everything; my friends by being funnier and crazier at times and more responsible than they are at other times; my doctors by trying to be the perfect patient.  this wears me out.  i haven’t been me for me in a while.  actually, since i got sick.  so several years, i haven’t been content with myself really.

so this all kind of clicked today for me.  i was looking through a catalog at clothes and such, and i realized i haven’t really bought myself new things in a while, just because.  yes, i have purchased work clothes, but only because i have to wear nicer things to work.  i hadn’t bought new anything for me in a while.  i looked through the closet and my dresser…and was shocked!  i had never realized how little i had been caring about myself!  now please, don’t think that i had a revelation and became shallow!  i simply realized that i had turned into something i didn’t want to be, and it had manifested itself in my appearance and my attitude.  i dress like i hate my body (which is another revelation: i’m not currently fond of my “post-surgeries figure”).  so i sat down tonight and started to figure some things out.

now i have never been super-trendy when it comes to hair or makeup or clothes.  i have never dressed to impress others (with the exception of certain occasions such as interviews and formal affairs).  i have always kind of gone to my own beat when it came to how i did my hair, or what makeup i used… or even where and how i shopped.  when i looked in my drawers, i realized i hadn’t put any effort into dressing like the old me, just dressing to put clothes on my body.  this made me very sad actually.  (and i’ve been pretty restless since…)  i don’t currently have a lot of extra income to go out and set the clothing stores on fire with my purchases…so i am just going to have to make due currently with what i can salvage.  now i will admit that i went a little nuts at victoria’s secret today, getting a few new things to start the transformation back to “me”…i got some new undergarments (gotta love a sale!), as well as a new fragrance and a “spring” make up kit (which is actually a makeup bag that had blush, eyeshadows, lip gloss and mascara in it).  i also got some new pajamas (but that was at a different store). but i digress…

i metaphorically bitch-slapped myself today, and decided i need to do a few things:

1. i need to stop hating my body
2. i need to change said body to be healthier
3. i need to save up some money and buy clothes more in line with my personal style
4. i need to actually get up and do my hair and makeup instead of just pulling it up and washing my face
5. i need to eat healthier to go along with the aforementioned changed figure

now i realize none of this is going to be an easy task.  some will be easier than others, especially after brandon graduates (i.e. – i should have some extra money once there are two incomes!)…others are going to take some serious willpower and effort (both of which have been severely lacking since i got sick, but seem to be getting stronger as i’m getting better).  anyway…wish me luck!

if you look at the pages of the site, you will now find one titled “movies” .  this is where the soon to be ever growing list of movies will be residing :D

ok… so i watch a TON of movies…too many probably compared to anything else i do.  :P  i realized this last night (well, really early this morning) after watching 3 movies yesterday, and parts of several others i had already seen on television…so i thought i would start making a list of what i have seen this year.  if all goes well, i will probably end up with a HUGE post at the end of the year which will include all the movies i have watched (rental and theatre).  now, to narrow this down, i have decided to only list movies i have not seen before, whether old or new.

so as of march 1, 2009:

• grosse pointe blank
• smart people
• max payne
• chris rock: kill the messenger
• cannibal! the musical
• mama’s boy
• the ice harvest
• bill cosby: himself
• very bad things
• baseketball
• zoolander
• next
• john waters: this filthy world
• bill burr: why do i do this
• strange brew

i realize this list is small for 2 months into the year already, but i am only listing movies i had never seen before…i have watched dozens already this year that i have seen at least once…

oh yeah!  its official!!!  brandon and i are engaged!  check out the bling :D

MY MEDS ARE WORKING!!!!

I feel human again!  It has only been 17 days since I started taking Humira (the injections) and I already feel like a new person.  I have not woken up in excruciating misery, I have been able to sleep, I have had energy, and I have been feeling so well I have started taking care of things that were put aside due to my illness.  I haven’t felt this well since I lived in San Diego (we’re talking 5 1/2-6 years ago!).

I actually went shopping this weekend, and didn’t feel like it was a chore.  I bought some new clothes and make up, got my hair done, and even got a facial!  I have been paying close attention to how I’m feeling and what my body is doing, and I like the results.  Humira may just be my miracle drug!

drove with brandon to little rock today.  amy bought me a massage at a spa in LR for christmas this year, and i finally cashed it in!  i feel like a new person, though it was a deep tissue massage, so there are a few tender spots on my back where the masseus worked out some knots.  i had such a great day – we met up with jeff and had lunch, and more laughs than i’ve had in a while.  i got to play with my nephew justin (pics up on flickr soon) and got to hang out with amy.  i didn’t get to see everyone, but it was still an awesome day none the less!